


Pink is the New Black

by BrusselsSprout



Series: Between the Lines [3]
Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Dating, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Kyoshi Warriors - Freeform, Mai POV, Missing Scene, Prison
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-24
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-10-15 14:30:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17530478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrusselsSprout/pseuds/BrusselsSprout
Summary: When Mai and Ty Lee are imprisoned after betraying Azula, past sins come back to haunt them. Mai is forced to take a look at where they are and how they got there.This is the story of Mai and Ty Lee between the Boiling Rock and the end of the show, their friendship with the Kyoshi warriors, as well as a look back to Mai's relationship with Zuko between the end of S2 and their breakup (and beyond).





	1. Intake

**Author's Note:**

> The present day story takes place after Boiling Rock 2. 
> 
> The flashbacks take place after Crossroads of Destiny.

_Caldera city prison - present_

“It brightens up your complexion, Mai, you should really wear more colours,” Ty Lee notes trying to sound cheerful as they change into the ugly, shapeless prison clothes. Horrible shades of brick-pink. As she pulls on the rough, scratchy fabric, Mai longs for her black and gray silk outfits, made with light flowing materials. She’s never had much control over her own life, but she fought her mother hard at the age of thirteen for control over her wardrobe - and won. An insignificant victory in the grand scheme of things, but still, a piece of herself that belongs to nobody. She has not worn bright colours ever since.

Instead of replying to Ty Lee, she shoots a murderous glance at the prison guard who is busy packing up and tagging their personal belongings. “Keep my blades safe,” she says drily.

“I know your uncle is the warden of the Boiling Rock, but here, you are just another prisoner.” The guard’s voice is full of contempt. It is part of the power-game, Mai knows that. After all, it is the game she’s been taught to play all her life. The guard is right of course, they are vulnerable and exposed here. The prison system is known for abuses of power; everyone closes an eye, everyone turns the other way. _Show no fear or they’ll own you,_ she thinks. She wills her face to remain an emotionless mask as she meets the guard’s challenging gaze.

“I’ll be sure to shake,” she says sarcastically in her well-practiced flat tone. Never show fear. Never show that you care about anything.

“I hope all the guards are nice here like you,” Ty Lee adds with a wink and a syrupy smile. She has a vastly different way of coping with fear. The guard looks at her as if she were slightly deranged. As far as Mai is concerned that is still up for debate.

Another guard arrives and cuffs their hands before parading them through the winding corridors to their cell among the glares and hisses of the other prisoners. It is all part of the show, meant to intimidate. They are pushed into the cell smelling of must and lingering human waste. Mai slumps down on the narrow, hard futon and leans against the wall. It is cold and rough against her back. Ty Lee bends into a graceful bridge effortlessly. “It feels good to stretch,” she enthuses.

“You know, you can drop the upbeat act. There is no audience to appreciate it.” Ty Lee’s overly cheerful behaviour is starting to become unbearable. The sooner she realizes the hopelessness of their situation, the better for everyone. When it comes down to it, Mai lost her head and it cost them everything.

“How about you drop the downbeat act for once? Maybe I should have left Azula....” Ty Lee snaps.

Mai glares back at her. “You probably should have. I didn’t ask you to save me. It was foolish of you.” She should feel grateful, Ty Lee probably saved her life, but instead she just feels annoyed. She never wanted to drag anyone into her rebellion. She hates feeling beholden to the acrobat.

“I guess because I’m just a dumb circus freak who doesn’t know what’s best for her.”

“Maybe you are,” she mutters. She is still unsure why Ty Lee chose to save her, and she is not ready to have that conversation. Being dumped by the jerk has been draining enough emotionally, she’s not ready to dig into other aspects of her life.

“You really do love him, don’t you?” Ty Lee scoots closer to her, putting her hand on Mai’s. The contact makes her uneasy, but she doesn’t have the heart to pull her hand away.

Mai leans back against the wall and closes her eyes. “What does it matter now?”

_Ba Sing Se - 3 months earlier_

The Earth Kingdom Palace, just like the entire city was an insufferably boring place, Mai concluded as she was lounging around on the steps of the throne room. She didn’t quite understand Azula’s obsession with conquering this dump - but she knew from experience, whenever Azula got obsessed about something, it was better to play along, or melt into the background and become invisible.

“She’s been gone for a while,” Ty Lee noted with a bit of nervousness in her voice. “Do you think she’s OK?”

“Azula is always fine,” Mai said and truthfully couldn’t tell if she was happy or disappointed about it. It didn’t matter either way; the princess was unlikely to lose sleep over what Mai thought about her. They were supposed to be “friends”, but Mai never had any illusion about the true nature of their relationship. They both depended on Azula’s whim.

“Word is, she captured Zuko,” Ty Lee remarked, carefully studying Mai’s reaction. Mai pulled out one of her shuriken blades and flipped it around her fingers not to betray any emotion. Azula used to tease her relentlessly for the childish crush she once had on Zuko. But that was a long time ago - Mai had learnt to control her feelings since. And as for Zuko - well, that crush was in the past.

“Zuko is a fool if he let himself be captured,” Mai replied neutrally with a carefully rehearsed shrug.

“You must be curious,” Ty Lee prodded with a bright smile.

“Not in the least.” Mai closed her eyes and turned away hoping that Ty Lee would interpret the cue correctly. She was done with the conversation.

“Well, some of us work hard, while others relax.” Azula’s sharp voice announced her arrival. Mai sat up as the princess entered the throne room with a triumphant smile. “We have the city, got rid of the Avatar and caught my treacherous uncle. Not bad for a day of work,” she continued heading straight towards the throne. But Mai’s attention wasn’t on Azula, as she noticed the boy standing behind her from under the fringe hiding her eyes. She kept herself perfectly still, as all those inconvenient childish feelings came rushing back, making her throat dry and her heart beat with a thunderous rhythm. He was so pale, thin, dirty and tattered. And yet... Agni, how was it possible for someone to become more attractive with such a hideous scar?

Zuko was oblivious to her scrutiny as he gazed into the distance, visibly lost in unpleasant thoughts. Apparently, the idiot was still wearing all his emotions on his sleeve. He would be eaten alive by his sister, Mai thought.

Azula, however, immediately noticed the well-hidden gaze, as her lips curved into a calculating smile like a spoilt child at the sight of a new toy. Mai cursed herself for showing any opening on her carefully crafted armour.

“Zuzu, let’s see if we can get you cleaned up; you look like some common rabble. It’s so vulgar.” Azula turned to Mai with a sweet smile. “Why don’t you make sure my brother gets the royal treatment he deserves?”

A bad feeling settled in the pit of Mai’s stomach; she felt like the meadow vole waiting for the serpent to strike. It was a rather unpleasant feeling. She hid her shaking hands in her long sleeves and got to her feet with the most sullen expression she could muster.

“Come with me,” she nodded to Zuko drily and started down the empty corridors of the palace without looking back.   

“Prepare a bath for Prince Zuko and find him some suitable clothes,” she ordered the servants as they arrived to the bath quarters. “Also get a room ready for him.”

As she turned around, for the first time she found herself looking into his impossibly golden eyes that used to mesmerize her as a girl. The fire burnt in them stronger than she remembered. Those flames screamed danger and Mai averted her eyes not wanting to be consumed by it.

“Thank you, Mai,” his quiet voice startled her. It was low and raspy, like a blade scratching down rough wood.

“Does this mean you are back?” she asked.

“Yes, I’m back,” he nodded though his voice was distant as if he talked about someone else.

“Well, see you later then,” she turned around leaving Zuko with the servants.

He called after her hesitantly. “Mai….my uncle...do you know where he was taken?”

“Why do you care?” Mai asked sharply, all her senses screaming danger.

“I just want to make sure he gets his tea. Ginseng is his favourite,” he muttered turning away his head.

“Get changed, Zuko. Azula likes to eat punctually.” Mai was careful to keep her voice neutral. Then as she walked away, she turned back and added in a low voice, “I’ll make sure your uncle gets his tea.”

As the words came out of her mouth unbidden, she cursed herself for falling for his sad seal-puppy act. What was wrong with her? She was going to get into trouble. Zuko was no match for Azula, and she would be a fool to get into the middle of their deadly game. Mai had survived this long with Azula because she never gave her an opening. Sentimental emotions were not something that she could afford now. Still, a cup of tea for an old man, even if a traitor should not be a big deal, she told herself, as she ordered the servants.

-0-

_Caldera City prison - present_

Mai is woken up by the harsh sound of a bell. It takes her a moment to get her bearings and realize where she is. Her muscles ache from the hard mattress and she feels chilled to the bone from the damp coldness of the cell. She longs for the glorious firebender warmth that Zuko used to wrap her in, but she shuts down the thought. The way he left is still raw inside her, and if she lets herself think about it, she risks a tearful breakdown which she can’t afford.

“How did you sleep?” Ty Lee asks her with her usual smile. “I’m starving - hope there’s breakfast soon.”

Mai thinks shuddering of the stories her uncle used to tell about the methods to cut corners on the prison food. But Ty Lee is right, they haven’t eaten for almost a day.

A guard appears at their cell; a big guy with broad shoulders and an lecherous smile. “I’ve heard that we have some special prisoners.”

Ty Lee flutters her eyelashes at him. Flirting is her standard operating mode. “I’m looking forward to meeting the others here.”

The enthusiastic smile throws the guard off balance. He opens the cell door and leads them down to the dining hall. It’s dark and damp like the rest of the prison and Mai feels the eyes of the other inmates on them as they seize up the newcomers. She stares back impassively, while Ty Lee gives a little wave. “Hello, everyone,” she singsongs. Mai can hear the nervousness in her voice. Silence. Ty Lee’s smile falters a little. Mai feels like she should comfort her somehow, but she’s never been good at that.

The prisoners wait in a long line that moves like sea slugs on a sandy dune, clutching their bowls with bony hands. Mai silently observes the crowd - men and women mixed together. Resigned, hostile eyes of Water Tribe blue and Earth Kingdom green stare back at her. There are also some unmistakably Fire Nation eyes, with shades of brown and grey. None of them gold though.

By the time they get to the front of the line, there are only burnt scraps of the disgusting grey rice porridge left. They each get a spoonful of the vile-smelling gruel and Mai tries not to gag. The only seats open are at the back of the dining hall. As they make their way around the crowded tables, Mai looks resolutely ahead, avoiding any eye-contact. This is probably the reason she never notices the leg that comes out fast as lightning to trip her. She falls over, bowl shattered as the disgusting porridge stains the floor. There is some snickering. Mai looks up to locate the perpetrator but all she sees are ice-cold stares radiating hatred. The most likely candidate is a freckled frog-face girl with hideous purple ribbons in her hair, sitting on the nearest bench. Mai gives her a look that’s meant to be intimidating. But Purple Ribbons just smiles back, almost imperceptibly. It’s a cruel smile, promising more incidents. Before Mai has a chance to contemplate why Purple Ribbons hates her so much, the guard makes her way over to scene.

“Wasting food is a serious offense. We are at war, there are no resources to be wasted on scums like you. Looks like you are eating from the floor.” Another challenge.

Mai looks at the gooey mess and hates that she’s tempted for a moment before she turns her face away. “I’m not hungry.” Her voice is flat.

“Well, then I guess you won’t mind if your dinner is also given to someone else.” The guard raises the stakes.

“Fine, take me back to my cell.”

“First clean up the mess you made, inmate.”  The guard shoves a mop and a bucket at her.

“Whatever.” Mai has never in her life used such tools and her fumbling attracts grimaces and chuckles from the crowd. She keeps her eyes resolutely on her task, ignoring everyone else.

-0-

_Ba Sing Se - 3 months ago_

“The food is despicable in this wretched place.” Azula poked at a piece of succulent roast duck with her chopsticks as if it was a gutter-rat meat.  

“I quite like the little dumplings,” Ty Lee jumped in with a smile, trying to lighten the mood, as usual. “Try those, Azula.” Mai made sure that her face was as disinterested as possible. Azula liked mindgames, and she was good at them. It was always the same: find the weak spot, establish dominance and control and watch the hapless victim squirm.  Her eyes sparkled with the excitement of having a new, shiny toy to play with. She turned to her brother with an overly sweet smile.

“I guess, dear brother, you had enough time to get used to the food of Earth Kingdom peasants, considering you lived like one…”

Mai glanced at Zuko as his shoulders tightened at the comment. Before he could make an idiotic comeback she interjected, “It’s just dull… everything tastes so bland here.”

“I find hunger makes for a good seasoning.” Zuko glowered at his sister.

“Oh, wise Zuzu, you sound almost like Uncle Fatso,” Azula waved nonchalantly. But she kept her cold, amused gaze on Zuko as her lips curled. There was a challenge in that smirk.

Zuko clenched his fists and looked ready to jump, but then he reigned in his anger. “I’m not playing your games, Azula.”

“I’m just trying to make civilized conversation, Zuko. Or have you forgotten what it’s like to live in a palace?” She shrugged. “Tell us at least what was your favourite food. Maybe I can order the cook to make it.”

“The roast duck I had after almost starving in the woods. You know, that time you tried to kill me.” Zuko’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

Azula rolled her eyes. “Oh, still so dramatic, dear brother. It was just friendly sparring.”

“Whatever, Azula.” Zuko turned his attention back to his noodles. Only the stiffness of his pose betrayed his anger.

“Well, and here I was thinking you’d show some gratitude. I didn’t need to bring you in, you know. But you seem to have picked up the lack of manners from all the dirty peasants,” Azula kept needling him.

“They are people, who suffered much and many of them are still kind. Which is more than what I can say about you.” Zuko dropped his chopsticks in a huff and stood up.

“Not waiting for the desert?” Ty Lee sing-songed. “I’ve heard it’s tea-cake....”

“Not hungry.” He stomped out of the dining room, slamming the door on the way out.

-0-

_Caldera City prison - present_

It is hard not to pay attention to the growling of one’s stomach when there is nothing to distract from the hunger. Mai wonders if this was how Zuko felt when he was a fugitive, hiding in the Earth Kingdom woods without food and shelter. He has never talked much about those days. Well, he never talked much, really, about anything. Talking was just a source of misunderstanding.

Mai pulls out the small shard of the bowl she broke that she managed to hide in her sleeve during clean-up. It’s just a piece of broken pottery, but it has a pointed end and as she runs her fingers along the edge, it feels sharp, if jagged. She desperately misses her knives, but this is better than nothing. Sooner or later she’ll have to go back out with the other inmates, and the little shiv makes her feel less naked. She hides her makeshift weapon as she hears footsteps.

The cell-door opens and Ty Lee is back. Her company is a welcome distraction from the drudgery of the cell and the pangs of hunger Mai feels. After the guard’s footsteps recede, Ty Lee pulls out a small ball of rice from her prison garb.

“Sorry, I couldn’t hide more than this,” she whispers with a conspiratory smile. Ty Lee somehow still pretends that their imprisonment is an exciting game, rather than the harsh reality for the indeterminable future.

Mai frowns, knowing she should let her keep her happy bubble, but it’s hard. “You shouldn’t have.” It bothers her that Ty Lee just did something risky again for her. She has enough problems, she doesn’t need other things to feel guilty for, like how she dragged her only friend down with her.

Ty Lee seems annoyed by her lack of enthusiasm. “Well, I did. So, just eat it, Mai.” Her tone is almost hostile, and that somehow makes Mai feel better. There shouldn’t be pretense. Not between the two of them, but they are stuck in roles they have been playing too long.

Mai sighs and takes a tiny bite. It’s revolting, tastes of salt and burn, but she keeps chewing. The aftertaste in her mouth feels like ash. Still, she knows she should thank Ty Lee. After all, they don’t have anyone, but each other. Ty Lee doesn’t really expect thanks. She kneels down next to Mai and continues to chatter in low voice.

“I was sitting really close to these two guards - one of them had a cute little mustache - anyways. I couldn’t help overhearing them talking. Apparently, Azula went after the Avatar and Zuko.”

Mai holds her breath, waiting for the horrible news that Zuko is dead or captured; that their sacrifice was in vain.

Ty Lee sees her tension and smiles. It’s a sad smile. “Relax - apparently she didn’t catch them. She had a fight with Zuko on top of an airship and they both fell. Except, Zuko was caught by the Avatar’s friends and Azula kept falling.” Her voice trails off as she stares at her hands.

“So?”

“She saved herself.” _Of course, she did_ , thinks Mai. Azula is always fine. Mai is not sure how she feels about this news. She’s relieved that Zuko is alive, even if he’s the jerk who broke her heart. But is she happy that Azula survived? She should be. Even after everything, she doesn’t want Azula dead… At least, she’s fairly certain she doesn’t. None of her feelings make sense, so she pushes them aside.

“Are you sad that she survived?” Her voice is barely audible. These are treacherous thoughts, things they never allowed themselves to think, let alone say.

Ty Lee’s eyes widen with shock but then she slowly shakes her head. “It makes me sad that there was nobody to catch her. We weren’t there to catch to her.” Mai looks away. Ty Lee has always been a better friend to the princess than Mai.

“We can’t save her, Ty Lee. Not from herself.”

“Maybe we haven’t tried hard enough.” Ty Lee looks at her and it’s disconcerting to see a tear glisten in her eyes.

-0-

_Ba Sing Se - 3 months ago._

“I want you to keep an eye on my brother, Mai.” Azula noted casually, glancing up from the scroll she was reading. She had been busy organizing the handover of Ba Sing Se to the Fire Nation military before their return to the palace.

“Why? He proved his loyalty, no?” Mai kept filing her nails with a bored expression, not to betray the unease she felt at the princess’ request. Even if deep down she had known it was going to come. Azula never let something go for free.

“Certainly. Which is why he’s not being locked up.” Azula replied coldly.

Mai rolled her eyes in response. “Why don’t you ask Ty Lee? It’s more her specialty; following boys around, not mine.”

“I would, and it would be less like pulling teeth. But Ty Lee is not Zuko’s type, you are.” Azula smirked. Mai did not reply. It was hard to know who was Zuko’s type, considering he had been avoiding all three of them since that disastrous dinner, opting to mope alone in his room or pace restlessly in the garden. “Look, you should be subtle about it. You two have always had a rapport.”

“Whatever. I’m not your spy,” Mai said defiantly, even if she knew it was unlikely to change Azula’s mind.

“Mai, believe me, you’re not doing _me_ a favour - you’re doing _him_ a favour if you keep foolish Zuzu out of trouble. That’s what friends are for, no? To look out for each other?” Mai sighed. It was not an argument she was going to win. So what was the point? And Azula was right in one thing, as stupid as it was, she wanted to look out for Zuko. He seemed so lost.

She bumped into Zuko on the corridor as he was heading towards the gate of the palace.

“Where are you going?” she asked with her arms crossed on her chest, leaning against a marble pillar.

“Out. I’m not a prisoner, am I?” He shot back with hostility. Mai just glared at him. She had learnt to use silence as a weapon. Zuko glowered back at her, but then added more quietly. “I have some things in the tea shop I’d like to pick up.”

“Can I come?” Mai pushed herself away from the pillar.

“Why? Azula thinks I need an escort?” Zuko asked sarcastically. Apparently, he knew her sister all too well.

Not wanting to lie, Mai ignored his question and drawled with an exaggerated sigh. “This place bores me to death.” At least that was the truth.

Zuko shrugged. “Fine. Suit yourself.”

They spent the 15 minutes of walk towards the tea shop in sullen silence. Mai didn’t mind. She always hated small talk. It was refreshing not having to make an effort. Apparently, Zuko was not a fan of empty chatter either. He stopped in front of a cozy building with a green and white facade. It was simple, but elegant.

“The Jasmine Dragon,” she read out loud the sign.

“It was Uncle’s idea,” he said while he fished out a key hidden in a flowerpot and unlocked the door. It looked upscale and tasteful. The type of place where people would want to hang out and talk.

“It’s nice,” Mai pulled her fingers along the edge of a wooden table.

“Yeah, Uncle was really proud of this place.” Zuko seemed subdued like always whenever his uncle came up in a conversation. He strangely seemed to be nostalgic about the place.

She tried to imagine the brooding prince in an apron serving tea and the thought just seemed absurd. “You really worked here?”

“Yeah. It wasn’t so bad,” he looked a bit sheepish. Mai understood. Rich people like them did not have jobs like commoners. It was supposed to be beneath them. Zuko knew this of course, but also did seem to take a bit of pride in it.

“I once worked in my aunt’s flower shop for a summer.” Mai had no idea what prompted her to say that. At the time she fought bitterly with her mother about being shipped off to her aunt to some Agni-forsaken dusty corner of the Fire Nation. But in the end, it wasn’t so bad. There was freedom in being outside the suffocating net of politics and palace intrigue. The people were poor, but they seemed somehow more real.

Zuko raised his good eyebrow. The asymmetry of his face made his expressions somehow even more vivid.  “I didn’t know your aunt had a flower shop.”

“There are lots of things you don’t know about me.” As she said it, her voice sounded almost breathless. Zuko’s eyes flickered with a new intensity, and they stared at each other for a long moment, the space between them vibrating with a tension. The asymmetry of his face from this close was striking, but not in a bad way. Mai abhorred perfection. In her experience, it almost always hid ugliness inside. There was a brutal honesty to Zuko’s scar that somehow made him seem more real.  Mai’s throat felt dry and she licked her lips. “So will you invite me for a tea?” she asked hoarsely, breaking the moment.

Zuko looked uncertain, as if he couldn’t decide whether she was mocking him. “Are you serious?”

“Well, I’m thirsty. And I want to know what made this place the best tea shop in Ba Sing Se.”

Zuko nodded and moved to the counter, pulling out a teapot and filling it with water. ”According to my uncle, the secret ingredient is…” He stopped himself mid-sentence and looked away.

“What?” she prompted.

He shook his head. “Nothing. Do you like green or lychee?” He sounded neutral, all business-like.

“Surprise me,” she said playfully. Zuko pulled out a bag from the drawer, filled with pale leaves. Mai watched as he prepared the tea with precise motions. He heated the water with firebending and seeped the leaves in the hot water. He wordlessly pulled out a chair for her, and brought two white porcelain cups to the table, printed with the symbol of teashop. He stood so close to her as he poured the steaming drinks that she could feel the heat of his body. Their breaths echoed in the empty room.

“This is my favourite, silver leaf.” He chewed his lips, waiting for her reaction. Mai was never much of a tea person, but it was surprisingly fragrant with bittersweet overtones. It tasted dark and bright at the same time.

“It’s...good,” she nodded. He seemed relieved at her approval. He poured a cup for himself and sat down across from her at the table.

“Why are you here?” he asked quietly. The question startled her. It was direct, to the point.

Mai gave him a practiced shrug. “I told you, I was bored…”

“No, I meant with Azula.” His eyes measured her in a way that made her uncomfortable.

“She asked. She’s our friend. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to work?” She replied feeling a bit defensive. As if she ever really had a choice. Her friendship with Azula was an asset to the family, her mother always said, it was Mai’s duty to keep it.

“And your family?” he asked.

“They are in Omashu. My father was made governor there.” Mai shrugged.

“He’s done well for himself.”

“The only thing he cares about is doing well for himself. That place is a dump.” Mai hated their move away from the capital, and Azula’s arrival was a welcome distraction. At least for a while she felt more free. But of course she was wrong. The leash was longer, but she was in shackles nonetheless.

Zuko frowned. “Doesn’t that bother you? I thought the purpose of the war was to make things better for everyone… But so much of Earth Kingdom is just poor.”

Mai snorted in disbelief. Zuko was the oldest of them, but somehow also the most naive. “You haven’t been much around the Fire Nation, have you?”

Zuko’s frown deepened. “I’ve been to Ember…”

Mai cut him off impatiently. “Ember Island is a resort for the rich. Much of the Fire Nation outside of the capital isn’t that much different from the Earth Kingdom. Poverty is the same everywhere.”

“But doesn’t it bother you?” he asked again.

Mai gave him an annoyed shrug. This kind of thinking led nowhere. “I didn’t make this world, Zuko. Neither did you. It doesn’t make any difference what I think. It is what it is, there is no point in overthinking it. Politics bores me.” There was a flicker in Zuko’s eyes, almost like disappointment. But Mai was fairly certain she was right. It was better to be a realist than...she looked at his scar, the angry purple skin... the price of idealism was steep. She looked away.

Zuko sighed. “I’ll get my things.”

Mai followed him onto the second floor of the house. His room was small, but clean and bright, with a nice futon, a carved wooden chest and a small table in the corner. The wall was decorated with watercolour paintings of cherry blossoms and turtle ducks swimming in a pond. His apron hang neatly on a hook as evidence of that other life he lived. Zuko opened the chest and took out his dao swords and small dagger. Mai recognized the ornate handle and smiled.

“You still have it? I remember when you showed it to me that the first time...” It was one of her most cherished memories. Just the two of them, away from Azula’s needling and Ty Lee’s giggles. Zuko showed her new dagger proudly and taught her how to throw the blade. His hands were on her wrists as he explained the motion again and again. She fell in love with the feeling. The cold, sharp danger that gave her a rush, made her feel something. It made her alive. In the moment.

“You’ve always been fascinated with blades, I remember.” There was a shadow of a smile on his lips. Perhaps he remembered the same thing. The smile faded quickly, “So many things have changed since then.”

Mai took the dagger out of his hand and ran her finger along the sharp edge, letting herself feel that rush again. She stepped closer, looking straight into his eyes. Her voice was husky. “My love of blades hasn’t.”

He swallowed and closed his eyes for a moment as if he was trying to make a decision. Mai reached out and their fingers touched lightly. His hands changed, they weren’t smooth and soft anymore, the skin was rough and calloused. It was a man’s hand, not a child’s. His eyes popped open from the contact and as they stood only inches apart, his golden irises seemed to engulf her in hot flame flickering with desire. He leaned closer, and as their lips met, the kiss tasted bittersweet like the silverleaf tea. The dagger fell to the floor with a loud clunk.


	2. Solitary

_ Ba Sing Se - 3 months ago. _

  
  


Mai stood in front of the heavy wooden door decorated with an ugly bear. Apparently every royal family had to have an obsession; in the Fire Nation it was dragons, in Ba Sing Se - distasteful bears. She knocked and decided that the indistinct growl from inside was an invitation to enter. It was all dark in the room, except for four candles lit in a row. 

“What is it?” Zuko opened an eye but didn’t get up.

“Our transport is ready, we’ll leave tomorrow to go home.” 

Mai was looking forward to it. She had thought that Caldera was boring before, but she did not know drudgery until her father was appointed to that  _ Agni _ -forsaken post in Omashu. Everything was better than this miserable Earth Kingdom full of people whose fear and hatred she could smell every time she passed them on the street.

“I’m not going.” He had the exact same stupid pout he used to have as a kid when his mother told him to play with Azula. 

“What do you mean you’re not coming?” Mai frowned. “Don’t you want be home after three years?” 

“I feel like I could be more use here. Overseeing the city,” he muttered. _Still the horrible liar._

“Zuko, why would you…?” She started, but when his eyes fell on the dagger it hit her. He was still twisting himself into knots over his uncle. Maybe even trying to free him. After everything he’s been through, Zuko still had no sense of self-preservation. 

“That life? It’s so long ago,” he sighed. 

“Well, maybe this will help you remember,” Mai laid in front of him a bundle of clothes that their escort brought from the Fire Nation. His expression softened slightly. He ran his fingers over the red silk longingly. 

“Your uncle will be transported back to the Fire Nation with us,” Mai said flatly. 

His eyes widened. “Why are you telling me this?” 

He looked so guilty, it was ridiculous. Except it was not funny at all. 

“There is nothing left here for you, Zuko. Don’t be stupid. Come home,” Mai told him firmly. 

“What if there is nothing left for me there either?” 

There was so much doubt and pain in his voice. Mai had no idea what to say. How to explain that she had been staring down that same emptiness every day? That finally she had something to look forward to? What if he didn’t feel the same way? 

“You still have your family and your country. You still have me,” she leaned closer - her lips lingering just above his. She could feel the heat of the candles on his breath. He remained unnaturally still for a few heartbeats, but the erratic flickering of the candles told a different story. Then he let out a sigh that sounded almost like a muffled cry as his lips crashed against hers. His kisses tasted like anguish and desperation, until they softened into surrender. 

-0-

 

_ Present day - Caldera City prison _

 

It has been seven days of unbearable boredom with the same routine, seven nights of sleepless tossing and turning. Twenty-eight meals of inedible mush that tasted like burnt sick. Fourteen short breaks out in the courtyard crowded with prisoners. That annoying Earth Kingdom girl, Ribbons and her group still giving them the stink-eye and purely accidental shoves in the ribs. Fourteen times of Ty Lee’s smile fading at the realization that her fellow prisoners have nothing but hatred and disdain for them.. 

It’s time again for the stupid walk and Mai wishes they could just stay here in their cell, but they are prisoners now and they have no choices left. She really hopes that the stupid jerk will make her one reckless choice in life count somehow. Because it’s up to him now. 

Ty Lee stretches and looks at Mai with the same enthusiastic grin that she has worn for the last seven days. Others might mistake it for happiness, but Mai knows that it’s a mask crafted from the pain of well-concealed jabs, barely visible burns and words that cut more sharply than any knife ever could. 

“It should be fun,” Ty Lee says. 

Mai pretends not to notice the slight tremble in her voice. Instead her fingers wrap around the shiv tighter until the sharp point digs into her skin. The pain helps her focus. 

“Outside time,” a guard yells as a hundred cell-doors open with a loud creak. They join in the shuffling of feet. 

 

-0- 

 

_ Fire Nation Navy ship - Three months ago _

 

The flames bloomed red-orange at his feet and fingertips as he moved to the pulsing rhythm of the rising sun. His movements lacked the sharp efficiency and cool elegance of Azula's, but he bent with purpose and focus. There was no trace of his boyhood clumsiness as he moved through the forms - it evoked the gracefulness of a predator. She recognized most of the katas, but there were others that looked unfamiliar.

Mai caressed her blades. Well, he wasn’t the only one who developed a sharp edge. She had grown into a predator too. She aimed and watched the sharp knives whir through the air pinning him neatly to the wall.

He let out a startled yelp as his eyes settled on her with a scowl. 

“What do you think you are you doing?”

_ Distracting you before you do something stupid. _

“Just checking my blades, to see if they are sharp enough,” Mai forced a bored expression on her face. 

“You have become really good at this,” Zuko noted.

_ After you were banished, Azula became meaner. I needed to grow my own claws. _

“There isn’t that much to do in Caldera,” she shrugged. “Everyone needs a hobby.”

“You care to unpin me?” He tried to look cool, but Mai noticed his squirming. She stepped closer and felt his excitement vibrate with electricity in the space between them. 

“It’ll cost you,” she stared into the golden flame of his eyes, challenging him. He stared back, then his attention slowly shifted to her lips. He swallowed, still hesitant. Mai inched closer, helping him to make the decision. He finally leaned in and kissed her - it was barely more than a delicate brush on the lips. 

“Is this what you had in mind?” 

“It’s a start…” she said flatly and pulled out the knives. 

“Thank you,” he leaned against the railing of the ship. Mai stood next to him as they watched the morning sun sparkle off the waves. It was an uncomfortably perfect moment - a painful glimpse into an idyllic world where people held hands and watched beautiful sunrises and didn’t have to care about wars and politics and family reputation. A glimpse into a world that never existed and never could exist. Mai had to remind herself that it wasn’t real before she became too attached to the image. 

“Ships are incredibly boring,” she faked a yawn.

Zuko blinked as if he was waking up from whatever dreamworld he was in. His expression clouded over with pain again.

“Mai, did you see my uncle?”

She sighed. He was back running circles of guilt again. It never helped anyone to delve too long into choices they made. He did what he had to to survive. So did she. Pride, shame were all useless. Survival mattered.

“Yes. He’s in the brig. Let me guess - do you want me to take him ginger tea?” she asked sarcastically. 

“If you could. Tell him that I… “ he struggled with the words, but finally just shook his head, ”don’t tell him anything.”

The brig was unbearably hot. The guard looked at Mai questioningly as she balanced the tray on one hand. 

“Order from up there…” she gave him a bored grimace. It was technically not a lie and the guard was stupid enough to assume the order came from Azula and not the banished prince whose status in the chain of command was quite a bit murkier.

She entered the hold and in the dim half-light, she could see General Iroh sitting cross-legged on the dirty floor of his cell. On the other side, the Kyoshi warriors huddled in a different cage. Mai turned her head away - the desperation in their eyes made her feel uncomfortable. 

“Where are you taking us? What’s going to happen to us?” their leader asked. 

"Answer, bitch," another voice hissed.

Mai didn’t know. She didn’t  _ want  _ to know. Knowing wouldn’t help anyone. So she ignored the question and the insult. She brought the tea over to Iroh and placed it in front of the bars of his cell. She poured tea in the cup and pushed it inside the bars. 

“Ginger. My favourite,” he looked at her with an unspoken question. 

Mai said nothing. 

“Tea is meant to be shared. Could you give some to my lovely neighbors too?” His voice was pleasant as if he was chatting at a nice party.

“We are not in your tea-house, General Iroh,” she snapped. She already risked too much by being down here behind Azula’s back.

“No. Indeed,” he looked at her with hard eyes. Eyes that reminded her of the stories about the feared Dragon of the West, decorated war hero. Eyes used to command. She shuddered.  “Tell my nephew…” his face softened for a moment, then he looked at the teacup, the bars, his hands folded in his laps, then back at Mai. “Don’t tell him anything.” His voice resonated with so many emotions, with sadness, with love. It was too real, too messy.

Mai fled the holding cell feeling like she got in the middle of something that was too much for her to handle, leaving the cup and teapot behind.  An hour later the guard sent up the tray. The tea was cold and untouched. 

 

-0-

 

_ Present day, Caldera City prison _

 

Ty Lee flexes her legs against the fence of the court-yard, as if it were a gymnastics bar to stretch her muscles. Mai wishes she could channel her nervous energy with something, but taking her make-shift knife out would guarantee losing it. So she just watches the people shuffle around the yard. Ribbons is out with her crew. When she catches Mai staring, her lips curl to a chilling smirk that Mai doesn’t like very much. Ribbons stands up and walks towards them with her entire gang in tow. 

She stomps on Ty Lee’s hand, the knuckles make a sickening cracking noise. 

“Whoops - I didn’t see you there,” says Ribbons in a tone that makes it very clear that she did see it. 

Ty Lee forces on a faint smile. “It’s fine.”

In response, Ribbons knocks Ty Lee over face down into the dirt, pushing her head into the mud. 

_This is all my fault. I got us in this mess._  

“Leave her alone,” yells Mai. 

“What are you going to do about it, Knife Girl? You are nothing without them,” Ribbons snarls. 

“You want to test that?”

“Leave it alone, Mai…” whispers Ty Lee. The skin of her lips is broken and it’s the sight of the dripping blood at the corner of her mouth that is the last straw. It  makes Mai lunge forward, going straight for Ribbons. She blocks the knife, and kicks Mai’s stomach. She falls over, the other girl pounces on her like an owl-cat. They are rolling on the ground, clawing, kicking, punching, biting. Mai registers only faintly the sound of the crowd cheering and booing around them. She manages to go on top, her little shiv pointed at Ribbon’s throat.

“I don’t know what your problem is, but leave us alone,” Mai hisses at the other girl. 

“You don’t even remember, do you, bitch?” Ribbon spits on the ground. Mai's hand freezes. 

Something about the way she swears sparks a memory of those girls huddled together in the ship’s hold, taken as prisoners.  _ You did that, _ Mai’s conscience provides. Y _ ou are the reason they are here. - I didn’t have a choice. We were just following orders. - There is always a choice,  _ a familiar raspy voice whispers in her head.

The guards arrive and pull them apart, twisting Mai’s arms behind her back, tearing the shiv out of her hands. There are kicks and punches, but she clamps her mouth shut because whether to scream or stay silent is the only choice she still has. 

Both her and Ribbons are dragged away, down to the underground part of the prison. She lands on her knees, as rough hands shove her into a dark moist cell. The door slams shut behind her and she’s all alone in a disorienting blackness. 

 

-0-

 

Mai watched the return of the Prince and Princess of the window of her parent’s house. The view was better from there. And she didn’t have to applaud and fake smiles - she could just simply observe. Azula stood up on the platform, soaking in the cheers and adoration like it was her due, like the whole world was always supposed to be at her feet.

Zuko came out second even if he was older. A deliberate slight, a petty move so typical of Azula. As he emerged from the curtain of flames the crowd seemed to draw a collective breath before the cheers started again. Of course, it was the first time the people saw their mutilated, banished prince who was the subject of so many gossips. Now his scar was on display for the whole world to see. Knowing and seeing were different things. As he stood there in the light, his face serious, a bit sad, a bit lost; his shaggy hair tied into a tiny topknot, he looked nothing like the Crown Prince he was supposed to be, more like a kid playing dress-up. Yet, Mai allowed for a moment to imagine him with the five-pronged flame-crown in his hair. It felt strangely right. 

They ran into each other two days later in the palace, as Mai was waiting for Azula to get ready. Zuko walked the corridor in full royal outfit that looked ill-fitting, not because it wasn’t the right size, but the way he kept tugging at the sleeves. The ragged edges of his short hair fell out of his top-knot despite the servants best efforts. He looked pale and he walked a little bit too close to the walls, as if he didn't want to take up too much space. 

His tired eyes lit up warmly when he spotted Mai. She greeted him with a formal bow under the watchful eyes of the servants. He looked almost hurt, as if observing protocol put unbearable distance between them. He stepped closer and brushed his fingers against hers.

“I’ve been missing you,” he said on a low voice.

“You know where I live,” Mai replied with a small grimace. If he wanted something, it was for him to make the effort. She gave enough openings. “You look terrible.”

_ Are you all right? _

He ran his hand over his hair, but pulled it back when he realized there wasn’t anything to rake through. “I haven’t been sleeping well. I just feel so out of place…”

Mai cut him off. Servants gossiped. It was dangerous to show weakness. “How did it go with your Father?” 

“Fine…” His eyes remained sad and downcast. “That’s not it.”

_ Whatever it was, he needed to pull himself together. _

“Well, my family is still in Omashu and the house is empty…” She let it hang in the air.

“That sounds nice.” His eyes lit up again and grabbed her hands. 

“Oh, I knew it! Look, Ty Lee, the lovebirds.” Azula’s harsh voice interrupted them. “How adorable.”

“So cute!” Ty Lee enthused. At least she sounded sincere.

Zuko blushed and took a step back. 

“Knock it off, Azula,” he snapped at his sister.

“Well, Brother. I’m sorry that I have to interrupt your, whatever this is, but I need Mai on this important mission Father gave me.”

As usual, Azula was exaggerating. The “important mission” was to go and look into the issue of some irregular activity at a countryside school. Mai was fairly certain Azula assigned it to herself to make it look like she had some special status with the Fire Lord that Zuko could never achieve.

“What secret mission?” Zuko growled suspiciously.

Azula gave him a vindictive smile. “You’ll have to ask him. I’d invite you along, but I’m afraid it’s girls only. Come on, Ty Lee, Mai, let’s go.” 

Mai schooled her features into a bored mask to hide her annoyance at Azula ordering her around as if she was a common servant.  It somehow bothered her that Zuko was witnessing it. She gave him one last rueful glance, and followed the princess. Like she always did. Even when her heart said otherwise. She learnt to ignore anything her heart said a long time ago. It was safer that way.

 

-0-

_ Caldera City  prison - Present _

 

_ Drip. Drip. Drip. Drip. _

Mai's uncle explained once that the monotonous dripping of the water was one of the most reliable torture methods. Mai sees that now. There is nothing in the holding cell, but darkness and even her daydreaming is disrupted by the sound of drops drilling into her skull, slowly but steadily driving her mad. She’s shivering from the cold and damp. She licks her swollen lips and tries to forget about her empty stomach. She wonders how much time has passed and how long they are planning to hold her down here. 

Thinking makes it worse. Happy memories remind her of all she lost and sad memories just make her more depressed. Her brain is a chaos of images she wants to push away, but every time she locks out a memory, the dripping noise comes back. 

A faint melody penetrates the noisy silence. It’s a girl singing.  _ Probably Ribbons. _ Mai perks up her ears and listens to the soulful, strange tune. It's a welcome reprieve from her own head.

_ In the meadow, I walk with you, my love, _

_ In the shadow what fate awaits us? _

_ I sing my song alone, far, far away from home, _

_ And I dream of that green meadow, my love. _

There are tears in Mai's throat, because she doesn’t know this girl, but she knows the pain and the longing. And her own pain is more than enough, but she can’t help feeling responsible for Ribbons’ pain too. She should be back in her Earth Kingdom green meadow and not rot in a stupid cell in the Fire Nation if it weren't for them. It just seems all so pointless.

“Singing helps with the dripping noise, Knife Girl,” Mai hears her say through a little crack on the wall that connects their cells.

Mai doesn’t know what to say, so she keeps quiet. 

“Are you there, Knife Girl?” she asks again.

“I’m here, Ribbons," Mai says flatly. 

"Micha."

"What?"

"My name is Micha."

"Mai."

"Do you remember now?"

"Yes," Mai says. She expects Micha to demand apologies, or hurl more insults. 

“Try to fall asleep while I sing. Then you can do the same for me.”

Mai certainly doesn't expect this - an exchange of lullabies.

“Why would you want to do that?” she asks incredulously.

“Not because I like you, obviously. It’s the only way to get some sleep down here…” Micha clarifies. 

_ In the meadow, I walk with you, my love…. _

Mai thinks that this will never work before she closes her eyes and drifts off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I haven't abandoned this fic - it's been just sitting on my drive half-written. But losing the internet and spending a whole day packing for a trip, and I managed to finish this chapter :)))

**Author's Note:**

> This is my interpretation of Mai as a character, the nature of her relationship with Azula and Ty Lee, and her troubled romance with Zuko. 
> 
> The story will be canon compliant with the show, but will mostly disregard the comics.
> 
> This story grew out of a scene I was writing for my Gaang fic, [Balancing Acts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15941603/chapters/37173350) , but it didn't really fit there, so I decided to make a separate story with Mai and Ty Lee.


End file.
